Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife: How to Drink Less, On Your Terms
**A Spotify 'Rising Star' show** Practical moderation for the way you want to live.
Why can't I drink like I used to? How do I drink less without quitting completely? Should I go for low, no or light alcohol drinks? Why do alcohol-free drinks cost so much?
If you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s or beyond and asking these questions, this is your podcast.
Welcome to the essential show for midlife adults who want to drink less, on their own terms—without the pressure to quit completely, follow rigid rules, or label themselves as sober.
I'm Denise Hamilton-Mace, your mindful drinking mentor, writer and public speaker on all things low, no and light. Each week, I help stressed parents and busy midlife adults navigate their relationship with alcohol through practical approaches grounded in real-world experience and behaviour change strategy, not willpower or wellness culture
What you'll get:
Mindful Moderation Solo Episodes – Deep-dives answering the questions that matter to sophisticated drinkers who want to moderate smartly:
- How do I cut back when my partner still drinks at home?
- What really works: willpower vs. strategy?
- Why do premium alcohol-free drinks cost the same as full-strength versions?
- How do I navigate social situations when I'm the only one moderating?
This podcast is for you if:
- You're looking for practical advice that fits your demanding life, not another wellness overhaul
- You recognise that coasting with mid-strength drinks, zebra-striping, or bookending your evening with something non-alcoholic are all valid strategies
- You want better mornings without giving up celebrating life's special moments
This isn't about going completely dry or reinventing yourself. It's about keeping energy for what matters most: family, health, career, and living life on your own terms.
Join the moderation revolution happening in midlife – because while Gen Z gets the headlines, you're the one actually doing it.
Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife: How to Drink Less, On Your Terms
#37. You Don't Need A Sad Story (Don't Do What I Did)
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SHOW QUOTES
“You do not need a sad story to decide that you want to start to look at your relationship with alcohol.”
“It was the, you know, two or three days where I just felt subpar. I was operating at 60% capacity"
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SHOW NOTES
It's easy to compare ourselves with others in all walks of life but it's very rarely helpful.
I used to compare myself to others in the low/no space and feel like a fraud, like I didn't belong.
Why? Because I didn't stop drinking as a result of addiction, I didn't hit rock bottom and then claw my way out; I'm not an alcoholic, and I never joined a program.
I just decided that alcohol wasn't the right choice for me, and that made me feel like my choice wasn't worth sharing as much as others.
But I was wrong.
In this week's solocast (new word of the week), I'm sharing my story so that you know it's perfectly ok to share yours.
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BEST EPISODES TO CHECK OUT NEXT
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#19 You don't have to be an alcoholic to want to rethink your drinking
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🎄 Join the daily advent for free to have your best Christmas & New Year yet! https://lownodrinker.com/christmaspod/ 🤶🏾
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✅ Get the Beginner's Guide to Mindful Drinking - https://lownodrinker.com/mindful-drinking-beginners-guide/
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❓ Take the Midlife Drinking Triggers Quiz - https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/68dd33385bb4a20015996a13
Coming up...
Speaker 1You do not need to have a sad story to decide that you are ready to start looking at your relationship with your drinking habits
My apologies
Speaker 1. When I first launched Loner Drinker magazine , over a year and a half ago now , and subsequently launched this podcast , I would often be asked by people when I would go onto their podcast or if I was at an event . Inevitably the question would turn around to my own drinking habits or I'd be being interviewed and they'd ask you know what was the journey that led you to start the magazine ? Are you teetotal ? What are your ? Do you still drink ? In some there would be some variety of that question and I always used to answer really sheepishly because I'd say things like . I always used to answer really sheepishly because I'd say things like well , I don't really have a journey , I'm not really sober or teetotal , or I didn't have a rock bottom . I just I just decided not to drink very much . And 33 episodes of this show to say with pride and to say out loud that it is okay to not have a sad story about why you are drinking less .
Comparing myself to others
Speaker 1I used to see people in this space who had overcome major addiction , alcohol use , disorder , that they'd come from a place of darkness and despair . They'd lost spouses and jobs and even homes and some almost life as well . And they come through the other side of that and they were now shouting from the rooftops about the wonderful benefits of a life without any alcohol and that they had made this amazing change . And I would think to myself I don't have that story and therefore my journey isn't valid and my place in this space isn't as worthy as their stories . But after spending so much time meeting so many people and talking to so many people like you , I have come to realize that that's crap , that my journey is my journey and I have every right to be just as proud about the choices that I have made that led to me living a better life as anybody else . And that to compare my journey or my lack of story to anybody else's is foolishness on my behalf , because I don't know them and I don't know what's happened in their lives and I don't know the details of who they are and they don't know me . And it doesn't make my journey into living a life less intoxicated any less valid , because I haven't done it from a place of a rock bottom start and I say rock bottom in air quotes , because what even is a rock bottom anyway ? For some people , rock bottom might be another person's heavy weekend . So we can't compare ourselves to other people .
Speaker 1And it's okay if your journey into looking at your relationship with alcohol doesn't come from a place of desperation , if it doesn't come from a place of being on that darker side where you feel like your life is about to tip over the balance and therefore you have to do something about it now to make that change . It's okay to just look at your life and go . Do you know what ? Actually , I think I'd be better off if I drank a little bit less .
I've never planned to be sober
Speaker 1I actually never said that I was going to be sober . I've never said that I'm never going to drink again . I've never said I'm teetotal . My choice to assess my relationship with alcohol came from a decision that I made one day , which was to say that I never , ever , ever , ever wanted to have a hangover again .
Speaker 1I have always suffered from bad hangovers . When I was younger they were extremely bad , but that's because I was living an extremely decadent lifestyle . I can recall several times where I would be physically ill for 24 hours or more after a weekend-long bender of drink and drugs and partying and as I've gotten older perhaps that wildness has abated a little bit , so my weekends or nights out aren't quite as crazy . But I could still get myself into a pretty hairy state and apart from just being physically sick and wasting the next day which is obviously quite common for me the biggest issue was the next few days afterwards . It was the you know two or three days where I just felt subpar . I was operating at 60% capacity . You know I had little patience for my husband or my kids or my colleagues . I had little motivation to do anything but the bare minimum . I wouldn't eat well , I wouldn't exercise , and that's not to say that I'm now some sort of super health conscious , active superhuman . But I'm no longer operating a perpetual state of less than my capacity and that was always my goal and it's okay that my goal was simply to have a better life
Prevention is better than cure
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1My mom always used to say to me that prevention is better than cure and looking at your relationship with alcohol before it becomes life damaging is the ultimate version of prevention being better than cure . So it's okay that you don't do this coming from a point of sadness or despair or needing AA or another any other sort of recovery service . Those things are fantastic for the people that need them . And don't get me wrong , I'm not suggesting in any way , shape or form that those services aren't valid . They have helped millions of people and I hope they continue to do so . But for the population who don't feel that that is the right move for them , but who do still want to look at their relationship with alcohol , we don't have to wait until we are at a proverbial rock bottom . We don't have to wait until it's vodka on the cornflakes time to go . Do you know what ? I think life would be better if I drank a little bit less .
Real friends will understand
Speaker 1And yes , it can be a big change and it can be daunting and your friends might not get it at first .
Speaker 1In fact , I remember telling my best mate who was actually the man of honour at my wedding when I first told him that I was sort of looking into this whole sober , curious way of drinking the responses because he'd been with me for many of my party years . The initial responses were the usual oh my God , that's crazy . It won't last or you'll never do it . But as I explained to him without going into detail what my reasons were , I simply said I really need to do this . I need to make some changes to make my life better . Because he's my best friend , he supported that and , funnily enough , as time has gone on , he's actually started drinking less . So has my husband , so is my best friend's partner , who's also a friend of mine . So not only has he and all of them supported me in my choices , they've actually started looking at things for themselves and making their own choices , without any pressure from me to do so . I might add , your friends will get it , your friends will understand . And if they don't get it and they don't understand , then I think that probably tells you everything you need to know about that friendship .
Speaker 1But I found that when I started speaking to people and saying , actually I want to drink less , you know , yeah , I'm still happy to go out , but I'll be on the alcohol free drinks , alcohol-free drinks so many people said , oh my God , denise , I feel the same way . I can't handle the hangovers anymore . Oh , it costs so much money , oh , I've got things to do when I really don't want to get drunk . And I was shocked that so many people felt the same way but that they didn't say anything . They didn't want to be the ones to first say actually , I'd rather have an alcohol-free beer , or I'd rather not get drunk this weekend , or they would make excuses to not go to events because the expectation is that you're going to go and you're going to drink and you're going to get absolutely pissed , and they didn't want to do that . So you'll be surprised , I think , when you speak to your friends and tell them how you're feeling , that a lot of them will feel the same way . And I back that up with the fact that 75% of the UK population are actively looking at moderating their drinking in some way . So I can promise you that you and I are not the only ones who are looking at this new way of drinking .
Speaker 1It's okay not to have
Don't do what I did
Speaker 1the sad story . It's okay not to have the sad story . It's okay not to be coming from a dark place and it's okay to want to make changes to make your life better , because you know that it's better for you in the long run and better for the people that you love and that you spend time with , and the people who love you too . So never do what I did .
Speaker 1Don't be apologetic for not having a sad story . Don't hide your light under a bushel , as the phrase goes and be proud that you have become wise enough to recognize that there are changes that you need to make in your life , and that you've been brave enough to start on this journey and look at where it could take you . Whether you want to look at reducing alcohol just for a little while , for a weekend , for a month , for a year , whether you want to look at reducing alcohol just for a little while , for a weekend , for a month , for a year , whether you want to look at removing it from your life completely , that's up to you . These are your choices , this is your journey , and you don't need to explain it to anybody else , so you don't need to feel embarrassed about your story for any reason . Thanks for being with me this week and I'll catch you next time .
