Before, During, After: The Plan

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On episode 113 of the podcast, we looked at when was the right time to take a break from drinking and how that break could look for you if you decided to go ahead and do it because it is different for everybody. Well, if you decided that your break should be more of a mindful month rather than a fully alcohol-free one, then this episode is going to give you some of the practical guidance on how you can approach an evening out when you're deciding to drink differently. We're going to look at the before, the during, and the after so that you can still socialize with the people that mean the most to you without compromising the changes that you're trying to make so that you can live a life less intoxicated on your own terms. Hello, hello, and welcome to the show. You're listening to the Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast with me, Denise Hamilton Mace. I am your mindful drinking mentor, and I'm here to help you design and build a life less intoxicated on your own terms. So let's dive straight into this because I think that there can be a lot of trepidation around socializing when you're drinking differently. And a lot of the fear that we have about how the night is going to go or what might unfold or how people will react and all the different things that we worry about. I wouldn't ever say that it's in our head because it is very real. If we're having these feelings, we need to acknowledge them because that's the only way we can deal with them. But quite often uh you'll find once you've acknowledged these feelings and you've examined them that we are building things up to be far bigger than they need to be. And it really doesn't have to be such a big deal. The majority of the time, the people who you are spending time with, if you've chosen your friends well, which I'm sure you have, will be able to recognize that you are trying to make positive choices for your life, and they will be decent human beings who want to support you in that. So, really, it's about your perceptions rather than theirs, and that's what we're going to focus on now. So, over the next uh 20 minutes or so, we're gonna have a look at some of the mindsets and actions you can take before you go out, whilst you're out, and after your night out, so that you can approach this holistically and start to see that you really can enjoy your social life whilst you're drinking differently, as long as you do it all on your own terms.

Set Intentions That Aren’t About Alcohol

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Okay, so let's start at the beginning. One of the things that I think is really important is to set your intentions for your evening before you even leave the house. Now, this doesn't have to be one of those uh spiritualized woo-woo moments where we're sitting down and calling on the universe. That's not what I mean by setting your intentions. If that's how you do things and more power to you, that's great. But what I mean when I say setting your intentions is just taking some time out. It is that simple. It's about thinking about what you want to achieve from the night. Who are you meeting up with and why you're meeting up with them? Okay, now you could be catching up with some old friends, for example, that you might have known for a couple of decades, 20 years. You know, you these might be people you went to school with or to uni with. And this could be uh an annual catch-up where you'll get together for the first time in ages. Or these could be some work friends who you've grown, grown really close to, uh, and you're gonna get together and you're gonna have a bit of a bitch about the boss and you know, talk about all the gossip from the office, whatever it is. Know why you're going out. What is it that you want to achieve from the evening? Is this about connecting with people? Is it about coming back together with people you haven't seen for a while? Is it getting to know uh some new friends a bit better, to dive a bit deeper into their lives and find some common ground that you can bond on? Whatever it is, if you start to actually think about what it is that you want to achieve from the night, it will help you to recognize that actually drinking differently, and I won't say, you know, not drinking at all or drinking this because it's up to you how you want to do it, but drinking differently can be a huge benefit to you achieving those goals in a way that continuing to drink the way that you used to is just gonna take away from them. What I would say about this intention setting is that this is not gonna work if you set the intention, obviously, to go and get pissed. That's not gonna get you where you want to go. Um, and we've all had those nights. We all know we've had those nights where the sole intention is just to go out and get absolutely legless. But hopefully we've reached a stage now where we've realized that there are other ways to go out. Um, but the other thing I would say is that the intention that you set needs to be about more than just the alcohol itself. Your intention for your night out shouldn't be, I want to go out tonight and not drink as much as I did last week, or I want to go out tonight and not get absolutely rat assed. Your intention needs to be based in something positive, something you want to achieve, something you want to get from the evening. You need to focus on where you're going and what you're getting, not what you're trying to get away from in air quotes. So make sure that the intention that you set is one that's going to leave you feeling as if you've achieved something, as if you'd had a benefit of some sort from the evening, whatever that might be. Now, while we're still at home, before we've headed out for the evening, perhaps whilst you're sitting down and setting your intentions for how you want your night to unfold. One easy practical bit of advice that I can give you is to have some food. Eat something before you go out. Even if you're going out for a meal, make sure that you don't leave the house with an entirely empty stomach. Um, we all know, don't we, that if you don't eat before you go out, you're going to start drinking. The alcohol will get into your system a lot quicker, you'll feel drunk a lot quicker, and as soon as that starts happening, your decision-making uh powers start to diminish, and you'll soon find yourself slipping back into the habits that you wanted to avoid. And whilst you're eating, make sure you hydrate. Water is your friend. I know it's not the most glamorous thing in the world, but it really does do a very important job. And as we get older, as we age, our bodies naturally contain less water, so we are more dehydrated in midlife than we were in our youth, which means that when we do consume alcohol, which is spread throughout the body via the water systems, there's a higher concentration of it in your system, meaning that you get drunker quicker. So eat and drink before you leave the house. That's my mother in advice for you, right there. Okay. Now,

Manage Expectations

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back to actually planning the evening. I'm a big fan, I really am. I'm a big fan of managing expectations. I think it's really important to communicate with people in your life and let them know where you're at with the things that are going on. Now, this doesn't mean I'm suggesting that you have to sit everybody down you're going to be going out with and go through a five-step PowerPoint presentation on your current drinking status and why you've made those decisions. Nobody wants to see that. But what I do suggest is that if you're going out with people uh that you know quite well, you'll know how your nights generally tend to unfold. And there'll probably be one or two people within that group that you might be closer to than others. And either um before you go out or just at the start of the evening, is to set their expectations on the right path and just say, hey guys, do you know what? I'm not feeling like getting on it tonight. I can't wait to catch up with you. But I think I'm probably gonna drink a little bit less, or I might have a few alcohol-free options. Um, but I'm definitely looking forward to having uh a great night together. However, you communicate with your friends, let them know because what often goes wrong is when your friends have absolutely no idea that you are taking this different approach, that you are trying to do things differently to better your health, to better your life. And then they are faced with this shock situation of this person that they've been uh used to partying with deciding to choose alcohol-free drinks, and they're taken aback by it. And their natural reflex will be to try to get you to stick to your past patterns because that's what they're used to. It's not malicious, it's just what they've gotten used to. But if you manage those expectations for them, it won't be a shock to their system. They'll know that you're serious about it and they'll want to support you in your choices. It'll also make it easier for you if at some point in the evening you decide that it's time for you to make a swift exit, they won't take it personally because they'll understand that you've come to the night with a very clear intentions of how you want it to go.

Research Venues And Low No Menus

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Speaking of setting uh expectations for the evening, the next step on your list is to do some research and figure out where you are going to be going. Now, uh, you're not alone in doing this, don't think it's odd, but 40% of people who are drinking mindfully do their research before they go out onto which venues they're going to go to. And this isn't just me making up nine out of ten cat numbers. This is from uh the Cam Insights Low and No report uh that they did, and I'll be releasing an episode with the MD about some of their findings soon for you. So make sure if you haven't hit follow or subscribe to the podcast yet, that you do that so you don't miss it. It's a really fascinating conversation about the way our drinking habits are changing across the generations. Um, but for yeah, so 40% of mindful drinkers do their research before they even head to the venue to find out what's on offer. And I think that is a very smart idea. You want to make sure that you're going somewhere that's going to have something that you can enjoy drinking, no matter what your approach to the evening is.

Moderation Methods And Personal Rules

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Speaking of which, the next thing on the list is to make sure that you've got an idea of how you want to approach your drinking uh options for the evening. Now, there are a lot of different moderating and mindful drinking techniques that you could employ. Uh, things like zebra striping, where you're alternating between uh alcohol-free and full drink alcohol throughout the evening, uh, or bookending where you're starting and ending your night with alcohol-free drinks, but might have a couple of alcohol full ones in the middle. I have done a full episode for the of this for you. So check out episode 63 of the podcast where I dive in deeper into the different techniques, and also episode 74, where I talk about another technique which is called coasting. And coasting is where you might choose to have mid-strength drinks all evening long, such as 10% gins or a 6% wine. So there's a lot of different options for you to try. But whilst those options and those methods and those techniques do exist, you don't have to follow any sort of set plan unless that's what you prefer to do. You may decide to start setting your own guidelines for how you want to moderate for your evening. Some people I've spoken to prefer to do it by time and say that they're already going to be out for a couple of hours and that within that time they might restrict themselves to just one drink per hour. Some people say that they might want to uh alternate between uh just a mid-strength drink and then water for the next drink. Whatever it is, this journey is so personal, and that's why sometimes I find that when people say, Well, what should I do or how should I approach it? I can't answer that for you because it has to be about what works for you. And the only way you're going to know that is through a little bit of trial and error and some honest self-reflection.

At The Venue: Quality Over Quantity

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Okay, so you've set yourself up for success, you've looked at uh speaking to your friends and uh making your boundaries clear, you set your own personal intentions for the evening, you've sat and you've thought about how you want to actually manifest your drinking choices throughout that night. So now we're actually at the venue. Fantastic. You're settled in and you're getting ready for a lovely evening with some fabulous people. If you do decide that you are consuming alcohol on your night out, one of the areas in which I think you can do yourself a really big favor is to think not only about the quantity of alcohol that you're going to have, but the type of alcohol you are going to have. Choosing one quality drink, perhaps uh, you know, it depends on what you like. Maybe it's a top shelf whiskey, maybe it's your favorite cocktail in the world, maybe it's uh a glass of the best wine that you've ever had. And it's something that you can take and that you can sip and you can savour and you can enjoy, and it's going to feel special. Quality over quantity wins out every time. On the occasions when I go out, if I do decide to consume alcohol, I will never anymore allow myself to just have any old rot. You know when you go to some places and there's nothing that you like, so you just pick some random beer or random glass of wine and you have that first sip and it tastes awful, and yet for some reason you still drink the whole thing. Well, no, thank you. Not anymore. For me personally, it's just not worth it. If I am going to consume alcohol, it is going to be because A, I have chosen to do it, and B, it's something that's going to add to my evening and it's going to feel special, it's going to taste delicious. So make sure that if you do choose to have alcohol, you're choosing quality over quantity.

Slow Down, Pause, And Check In

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Now, on top of that, again, if you are choosing to consume alcohol on your night out, a few things for you to bear in mind. Uh, this might seem really obvious, but slow down. It is so easy when you've got a drink in hand to just fall into old habits and to try and keep pace with everybody else. This is particularly consequential when you consider what you're drinking versus what they're drinking. Not to play the stereotype card here too much, but if you are perhaps a petite female and your other half is a sturdy gentleman and you are drinking glasses of wine and he is drinking pints of beer, if you try to match him drink for drink, then I promise you you will not succeed. There is for a start more alcohol in a glass of wine than there is in a pint of beer. And there is less of you to be able to process that alcohol. So slow down. You're not in a race, you don't have to keep up with anybody else. No one's going to leave you behind, at least not in any way that matters. Put your glass down. Try and find a table or be at the bar where you can put your glass down between sips if it has alcohol in it. The more you hold it in your hand, the more you will automatically drink without even thinking about it. Now, obviously, I did my mum moment beforehand where I told you to make sure that you drink lots of water before you go out. And I know this is a really boring one, but make sure that you do have some water on your table as well, so that you can drink water in between your drinks if again you are choosing to have some alcohol, even in between sips of your drink. This does a couple of things for you. Obviously, it keeps you hydrated, it helps to keep you clearer headed. It also means that you're going to go to the loo a bit more often, and there is a method to this madness because my other tip is to take some time out. In between drinks, take a moment to just pause and reflect. Whether that is nipping to the loo and just having a moment with a couple of deep breaths with yourself and checking in about how you're feeling, or perhaps popping outside to uh to to air quote make a call, uh, but just to get a little bit of space between yourself and the drinking situation that you're in. And have a moment to reflect on the signals that your body is sending you. How are you feeling? Are you still clear-headed? Are you still enjoying yourself? Do you actually enjoy the drinks that you've been having? Are you enjoying the conversation that you're having? Is the company that you're with what you expected? Take some time out to really think am I starting to head towards my own personal danger zones? In which case, perhaps it's time for me to either switch to completely alcohol-free or to say thank you very much and to head off for the

Mindfully low, no and light

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evening. Now, if you do decide at this stage that you are happy to continue and you want to stay and enjoy the rest of your night, this might be a good time to start saying to yourself, Well, that's great, I'm gonna stick around, but now I'm gonna move to low-no or light alcohol drinks. And here the mindfulness uh piece comes in by just making sure that what you're choosing is something that you can still really enjoy. The worst thing that you can do is say, Okay, well, I want to stick around, but I don't want to drink any more alcohol, so I'll just have I'll have a coke, please. I mean, that's just it's just boring and also really not very healthy for you. Um, but hopefully you've chosen a venue, as we said beforehand, that has some really great low-no and light alcohol options. Uh, speak to the bartender, get them to make you something special. Tell them that you're looking for an alcohol-free cocktail and that these are the flavours that you like, and when you're drinking full strength, these are the types of drinks that you normally like. Any bartender worth their salt will recognise this as a challenge that they need to rise to. Um, in fact, I remember when I was hiring cocktail bartenders for one of the bars that I used to run. Uh, when they'd come in and have their interview, then they'd have a trial session, and obviously we'd get them to make cocktails as part of their trial to see how well they can make classic cocktails. But I would also always ask them to make me an alcohol-free lemonade, fresh lemonade. The reason being is that it's not that easy for a lot of bartenders who only focus on alcohol to recognise how to balance an alcohol-free drink made from scratch. So if you're in a good venue with good bartenders, they'll actually revel in the challenge to show you what they can do for you and also to show off to their boss and their colleagues that they can make anything for anyone. Bartenders have a lot of ego. I know because I was one. Um, but yes, so make sure you're drinking something that you can enjoy, whether it is a cocktail, as I said, that you get the bartender to make special for you, whether it is an alcohol-free wine or a beer. Enjoy that drink for what it is. Make sure that whatever you're getting, you're taking your time to sip and to savour. Smell the drink, take in the aroma, notice the flavors in your mouth, notice how the drink is making you feel, whether it's adding to your experience. Get your friends involved, get them to taste it and to try it. And quite often you'll be surprised at how often they will be surprised at how good some of these drinks are. Now, this comes with a caveat that I always share. Some of these drinks aren't very good. So make sure you pick a place that's got good quality suggestions, uh good quality options for you.

The Morning After The Night Before

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So you've had a wonderful night out, you have made some choices about how you want to uh approach your socializing when it comes to whether or not you're drinking, and you've headed home and hopefully you're nice and clear-headed, you managed to get the uh last bus or the last train and not found yourself in a 60-pound cab at four o'clock in the morning. You wake up the next day, but your job isn't over yet. I want you to do some reflection. I want you to take some time in the morning and think about how your night went. Think about the intentions that you set for the evening. Did you achieve them? Did you find that connection? Did you have those deep and meaningful, or did you laugh your ass off with some old friends? Whatever it was that you wanted to do, did you achieve it? Did you consume alcohol along the way to that intention? And if so, what role did that play in how your night went? Did it add to your evening or did it take anything away? How do you feel physically? Do you feel that you've woken up fresh as a daisy and ready to tackle the day head on? Or are you feeling a little bit worse for where? Did your plans to zebra stripe go out the window because you lost track of which one you were having? Did you coast and have more than you realized? Uh did you bookend but have eight pints in between your two alcohol-free starters and finishers because that won't work? Or did you choose to have uh low-no alcohol drinks all night long and match everybody drink for drink? Now feel fantastic because you don't have a hangover, as long as you had enough water, of

No Failure, Only Learning

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course. Whatever it is, what's really important here is that I do not want you to beat yourself up about it, no matter how it went, whether you drank more than you intended to or not. This part of the process is not about berating yourself or judging yourself. It's about learning. I don't want you to consider if you did drink more than you intended, I do not want you to consider that as a failure. I want you to consider it as an opportunity for learning and to make the most of it to ensure that you implement what you've learned about yourself for the next time that you are going to go out. Because the only way that we get better is if we learn from our actions and make different choices the next time we're faced with that same situation. Now, if you would like a bit more clarity on some of the steps that you can take to help implement different strategies and to make the changes that you want so that you can live a life less intoxicated, then I highly recommend you check out the Four Week Midlife Mindful Drinking Reset, which is designed to help you take a break from alcohol on your own terms, whether that is completely or by moderating, and look at some of the factors that are impacting the choices that you're making around alcohol, so that you can start to take back some of that power of choice and control from the way that you allow booze to show up in your life. And you can do that by clicking on the links in the show notes. I believe it's the first link you'll find, but have a play around in there, see what you find. Um, now we covered quite a few different techniques here, so I don't expect that you're going to remember every single one of them the next time you have a night out. But what I'd love for you to do is to just pick up on a couple that have resonated the most with you, the ones that stood out to you as something that you'd like to give a try or you'd like to approach it from a different angle and give those a go. And then what I'd also really love is for you to let me know how you got on. I really enjoy receiving your emails and your text messages. This episode was inspired by a message that I got from uh a listener, we'll call them uh JD. And JD was asking about some techniques that they could employ uh on their night out when it comes to drinking more mindfully. So please do feel free to shout out at any time. Give this a try. Let me know how you get on. And until next time, cheers to a life less intoxicated.