A Look Inside The 4-Week Reset

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If you've been wondering what actually happens inside the four-week midlife mindful drinking reset, then you are going to love this episode because I'm going to do something that I haven't done before and give you a sneak peek into what actually goes into the program that I launched last summer and has been helping people change the way that alcohol shows up in their lives. You're listening to the Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast with me, Denise Hamilton Mace, your mindful drinking mentor. After 24 years of working in hospitality and drinking daily, I finally recognise in my early 40s that alcohol was no longer serving me the way it was before. Now I want to use what I've learned as a publisher, writer, and public speaker on all things moderation to help you design, build and live a life less intoxicated on your own terms. If you're ready to make a change without judgment or pressure to quit, then come with me as we dive into the world of low, no, and light alcohol, drinks, drinkers, and drinking so that you can take back the power of choice from alcohol. Let me start then by telling you a little bit about why I made the four-week midlife mindful drinking reset in the first place. And the first thing I'll say is that I realise that that's a very long title for a program. But as you've probably gleaned from this podcast, The Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast, I prefer clarity over cleverness. I did toy with some uh other names, both for the reset and for the podcast, but actually I want people to know exactly what they're getting and for for the things that I create for Lono Nation to do exactly what they say on the tin. So the four-week midlife mindful drinking reset, from here on I'll just call it the the reset or the four-week reset, um, came about last year because I get asked a lot of the same questions again and again and again. Now, obviously, I don't mind that. I love that. I love that people have questions about mindful drinking, about moderation, about incorporating this into their lives, about taking it forward to give them the lives that they want to have. But I realize that obviously I can only uh have one-on-one conversations with so many people. Um, you know, I I don't always have the opportunity to speak as in detail or as in depth with people as I would like when I'm at events, uh, when I'm speaking, when I'm coaching. And and so I wanted to develop a resource that could genuinely help people to take back the power of choice from alcohol, but that got rid of all of the negative stigma that still surrounds this lifestyle. Even this morning I found myself in a uh a conversation on LinkedIn with somebody about moderation and whether or not it is a positive or viable or advisable solution or option for people, and this other person's perspective was that moderation is something that everybody should aspire to, even when they might be better off not drinking at all. And I think that mindful drinking and moderation is just so misunderstood because my goal and the goal of other people that I know in this space who try to teach and support in similar ways that I do is never to take somebody who has decided to stop drinking and to convince them that they should start drinking moderately. And it's never ever to tell somebody who has any form of alcohol use disorder that they can rectify that by just pacing themselves with alcohol. Absolutely not. If someone has a life-damaging relationship with alcohol, then that needs to be dealt with with the right type of professional support so that they can get their lives back. And that's what I want for all of us. Moderation is there for those of us who are not facing AUD, alcohol use disorder, which is the term that we now use instead of alcoholism, although obviously you can call it what you will. Umeration is there for people who consider themselves perhaps middle lane drinkers, uh, average drinkers, you know, however you prefer to label yourself. It's there for people who've recognized that alcohol is no longer serving them, that they uh don't want to allow it the power, the control that it's had before. They don't want it to be habitual, they don't want it to be the default. They want to reduce the way that it shows up in their life, but perhaps aren't yet ready or wanting or ever will be wanting to say, I'm never going to drink again. And my concern is that we spend so much time saying and making sure that we're not encouraging people to drink alcohol and that we're not telling those with AUD that they should drink, that we kind of have this toxic positivity about sobriety that means that anybody who does anything slightly different is doing it wrong. And that's just not the way it is. You know, absolutely, if full sobriety is the goal for somebody, then I 100% support that. I can't say that enough. But I know that the majority of the population, both here in the UK and in the US, where I have most of my listeners from these two places, the majority of the population in these two countries is not looking for going at going completely sober. We're not looking at removing alcohol from our lives entirely. That might be a side effect of moderating or mindful drinking somewhere down the line, but actually the immediate goal is to find ways to live a life less intoxicated on our own terms, without judgment and without expectation from anybody else. So I created the four-week reset as a way to help people do that, to cover the basis of all the questions that I was getting on a regular uh basis, to help people look at themselves and the environment around them and to be able to manage that in a way that serves them, that supports the life that they want to lead, that helps to strengthen relationships with the people that they love and most importantly with themselves. So, what is the program? I'm gonna flip that actually, and I'm gonna start with what it's not. And this should be uh of no big surprise, but I think it's really important, just to be clear, because I like to manage expectations. The four-week mindful drinking reset is not a recovery program. I am not a trained recovery professional, I am not a sobriety coach, and so this is not a recovery program. It's also not a how-to go sober guide. Uh, there are people out there that do offer things like that, and I think that they are fabulous. And if you are ever looking for something like that and would like some guidance, then please drop me an email anytime, Denise at lono drinker magazine.com, and I'd be happy to point you in the right direction. Uh, what else is this not? This is not a challenge. This is not one of those things where you have to tick it off every day and then you get a prize at the end. You know, the the the the learning here takes place because this is something that you are internalizing because it is impacting and changing your life. And the prize at the end is you getting the life getting to live the life that that you want to and to achieve the goals that you are setting yourself. And finally, this is definitely not about labels or rules or telling you that you're never allowed to drink again. Uh, you can still consume alcohol whilst you go through the four-week midlife reset if you want to, um, or you could decide to abstain completely, or you could decide to try a moderating technique while you're going through it. It's it's absolutely up to you. This is a real life reset for real life drinkers, and it is designed specifically for those of us in midlife, uh, amidst the muddle of kids and careers and hormones and social expectations and all the other chores and responsibilities that seem to pile higher with with every passing year. It's for those of us who have started to get that niggling feeling in the back of your mind and wonder if alcohol might be the reason for it. You're waking up groggy, you're not feeling entirely like yourself, one glass keeps turning into three or four or five, and you're curious, maybe sober curious, um, about what your life would look like if you just drank a little less alcohol a little more often. So, over the four weeks, what happens is you get a series of daily touch points. And I made it daily on purpose because I didn't want this to be something that you look at once and then put it down and go, yeah, that was a great idea, and then move on with your life and completely forget about it, as we've all done with things before. I wanted this to be something where I'm supporting you every day in your journey through your learning process so that you are getting the repeated messages that you need to really internalize the changes that you want to make. The idea of the reset is that it takes you from the first steps of resetting your beliefs and your actions around alcohol at your own pace. It gives you practical tools and resources that help you drink less or not at all if you want to. It is full of researched data and thought-provoking prompts that add joy to your day without robbing anything from tomorrow. So, as I said, it's a daily program. Now, it's up to you how you interact with that. So once you sign up for the reset, if you decide this is a path that could work really well for you, is you will receive every morning around 6 a.m. UK time, which uh I think we're six hours ahead of the stake, so around midnight. So it's there when you wake up in the morning, uh, a short email that will take you no more than a couple of minutes to read with that day's focus, with that day's lesson or that day's message. And along with that, you'll receive that day's task. Now, when I say task, I don't mean um manual labor. It's a task that helps you to start to assess your mindsets, your beliefs, your actions, your feelings around how alcohol shows up in your life. I've also created with that a companion podcast, which you can also listen to daily. It's not on this feed, of course, it's on a separate feed that you can only access if you decide to go with the four-week reset program. And I've done it both of those ways because I realize that everybody learns differently. Some people like to read, and most of you here probably like to listen. But actually, studies have shown that when you both read and listen to the same material, preferably at the same time, that that actually increases the amount of learning and how much you absorb that information. So I've designed it so that you've got the best possible chance of making actual, real, lasting change. And then there's also what I call the book, and the book dives into each day's lesson in more detail. It gives you the background on all the information and explains the tasks that are set for each day in a little bit more detail. The reset really is there to help you to explore yourself, to take a chance on yourself, to build a better life for yourself. Importantly, to be kind to yourself so that you can embrace a life less intoxicated, both for yourself and for the people that you love. So, as with everything that I produce, there is no pressure, although it is a four-week reset. If you decide that one week has been particularly impactful for you, or that you felt like you want to get more out of it and go through it again, then you can turn it into five weeks, six weeks. You know, you can go back into it and pull out the bits that are really speaking to you in the areas of your life that you really want to work on. Um, as long as you keep it honest, okay? You keep it honest and you keep it messy. When you're completing your tasks inside the four-week reset, nobody else is looking. All right, you're not submitting these anywhere, I'm not assessing you. This is all for you. So you have to be really honest with yourself about it because that is the only way that it's going to work. So, what actually is inside it? The first week is called Awareness is Everything. And this week is all about unpacking your current habits and pressures, your patterns and the possibilities of the life that you want to lead. It's about honest self-assessment and identifying your current patterns and how you would like them to change. Some of the most popular days from week one include day two, which is where we look at why you can't drink like you used to. It's a topic that, whenever I bring it up, gets so much attention, so many comments, so much feedback. Um, we also look at something that I think is not often considered, and that's the imposter syndrome and battling imposter syndrome of cutting back on your alcohol intake. You know, who am I to do this? What are people going to think about me if I tell them I want to start drinking differently? All of that sort of negative self-talk that we give ourselves. And also a great day on day six where we start busting some of the myths that keep you stuck, some of the things that we have been believing for so long about alcohol that keep us in these repeated patterns that we're trying to get out of. And actually, if you knew the truth about them, you'd find it a lot easier to let them go. Then in week two, it's all about setting your boundaries, your personal boundaries, and building your confidence toolkit uh so that you can master your mindful drinking choices. It's about building the practical skills so that you can navigate social situations, family situations, and the most important and crucial boundary of them all, which is the one between what you want and what others expect from you. In week two, some of my favorite days are, for example, day nine, which is why people care, what you drink. Um, we also look at setting personal boundaries without apologizing for them, confident responses to awkward questions, um, and how to respond when our boundaries aren't being respected. Because we can set all the boundaries that we want, but if people aren't respecting them, then they'll only work if we know how to defend them. And then in week three, we're looking at optimizing your energy, your health, and managing your stress. Stress is such a big driver of our drinking habits. The automatic autopilot, stress-relieving, reaching for that 5 p.m. glass when your boss has been a pratt all day or the kids have been driving you crazy. It's something that we all do. And in week three, we're looking at how to break that stress drinking loop so that you're no longer acting out of mindless habit, but you're making mindful choices. So we look at what stress is really asking for and why alcohol isn't always the answer. And in that week, I really spend a lot of time trying to help you identify your personal triggers, whether that is work or family or friendships or anything else, and develop a personal toolkit of different techniques and alternatives that actually work in real life moments. One of my favorite uh days from week three is day 16, and that is the stress of perfect parenting, because parenting, guys, parenting is hard. We all know it's hard. Never mind all those wonderful pictures that you see on Instagram of perfect children with perfect parents playing perfectly outside in the grass. In real life, I'm finding Cheerios in the kids' bedroom, and they don't eat Cheerios in the bedroom. Like we're tracking this all over the house. You know, everything is a mess. We've got the laundry to do, we've got all the bills to sort out, all the stuff that goes with it. And that stress of perfect parenting really adds another dimension to our drinking habits that we just don't need. Also, in that that week, we're looking at um your midlife brain, so like your memory and focus and mental clarity, and how that all needs to be managed for you to be able to see where alcohol can and maybe shouldn't play a role. And then one of my favorite topics in that week as well is also sleep. Um, I could talk about alcohol and sleep till the cows come home, uh, mainly because I love sleep and I barely get any of it these days, but it's so, so important and it has such a big knock-on impact on the way that we drink. And then in week four, we bring all of that together because in week four, we are building your new normal and helping you to create sustainable habits for long-term success. My goal with the four-week reset is not just for you to have four weeks of drinking less and then go back to how you were before. I want you to achieve the goals that you've set for yourself. So you would have spent the first three weeks understanding your patterns and building boundaries and managing stress. Um, and in week four, we integrate that into a sustainable approach that works for you in real life. So, some of my favorite bits from week four is the slightly controversial quality over quantity for those times when you do decide that you still want alcohol to be part of your life. Um, I'm also talking about progress over perfection. It's a phrase that I absolutely love because progress is so much more than perfection. There's also a really um honest day where we look at understanding when moderation might not be your path. And then there's uh a whole section where we look back at your day one and see the amazing progress that you have made and how you're going to take that forward. Now, I've had some beautiful feedback on a four-week research, and I just want to share some of that with you now. When I asked Karen what was one of the um biggest takeaways she got from the research, she said, the insights I have discovered about myself and what I thought was keeping me drinking, which when I looked at them, thanks to the prompts in week one, aren't even real anymore. It was very freeing. Um, uh, another individual who asked to remain anonymous, which in this sphere, a lot of people still would like to keep their journeys to themselves, and I completely respect that. So Anonymous said the prompts have been really helpful as I find self-reflection really valuable. I find writing things out makes them stick and pop into my brain throughout the day. And then Davinia, who said this in response to which section um really touched her the most, and talking about the parenting section, said, looking at my roles and impact honestly has given me the ability to objectively look at my relationships with alcohol without being distracted by spiraling internal monologues. Because we all know, don't we, that one thought leads to another, leads to another, and we end up on this downward shame spiral, beating ourselves up for all the choices that we've made that haven't served us or our families well. And actually, what this reset does is give you some time and some space, more importantly, to think honestly about the choices that you've made and realize that you are not an awful person just because you've allowed alcohol to be a part of your life, but that you can make choices that serve you and your family better if and when you decide you're ready to lessen the impact of alcohol in your life. And then I also want to share something from Jennifer who said, Hi Denise, I just wanted to say I'm finding the course really interesting and very helpful. It's so honest and refreshingly non-judgmental. I've wanted to cut up drinking for a while now, but not to feel guilty if I have the occasional one. She goes on to say, the course has really helped me explain to friends my decision not to drink. As some of them do act like their puppy has just died if I say I'm not joining them when they open a bottle. So thank you. Or another student who, when I asked which specific daily task or tool or insight has been the most useful or eye-opening so far, said this. The prompts for what I'm afraid will happen if I don't drink. It's given me a sense of release to be okay not to drink, either at home, after work, or in social situations. Or this student who, after just one week and asked if they would recommend this program to someone else, said, Yes, absolutely. The prompts are really quick and effective and help you discover yourself. And the impact has been huge already. And this is one of my favorite bits of feedback from a student who was asked. What had been the most valuable part of week two? And they said the answers to give people when they try to pressure me into drinking that it's about their issues and not mine. And actually, I feel okay not having a drink in my hand and can have fun and enjoy myself without drinking, even when everyone else was, and I won't suffer for it. Very liberating. So look, if you are on this journey and you are finding this podcast, the Substack, other resources helpful, but you're not quite getting the support that you need, and you want to dive in deeper, you want to take things further, you want to explore more, then the four week midlife mindful drinking reset really could be the perfect solution for you. If you have any questions about it, you can email me at any time, Denise at LonodrinkerMagazine.com. You can also click the link in the show notes and that will take you to the main page for the reset where you can find out everything you need to know about it and take advantage of your personalized discount, which will activate as soon as you visit the page. Thank you for allowing me to be your guide on this journey to a life less intoxicated. Whether you decide to participate in the four week reset or you continue listening to the podcast or reading on Substack, I am so grateful that you allow me to help you along this journey. And until next week, cheers to a life less intoxicated.