Why You Need More Options

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You already know about zebra striping, you've tried bookending and you're an old hand at coasting. But if you've given those a try and they didn't work for you, or you'd just like to know what other options you have when it comes to different ways of drinking differently, then you're going to want to stick around for this episode. I've got 12 moderation methods to share with you today. Some you may have tried, some you may never have heard of, but all are designed and created and developed to help you live a life less intoxicated on your own terms. You're listening to the Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast, where it's my goal to help you take back the power of choice from alcohol. I'm your host and mindful drinking mentor, Denise Hamilton Mace, and this is the start of your journey to a life less intoxicating. We've

Zebra Striping & Other Common Techniques

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spoken a lot together about some of the most common moderation techniques that most people are using. So things like zebra striping, which is alternating between alcohol-free and alcohol-full drinks on a night. Bookending, where you start and end your night with an alcohol-free drink, but you consume full strength alcohol in between. Coasting, where you spend the night consuming half-strength drinks, such as a 6% wine or a 15% spirit, and pacing, where you might only consume one alcoholic drink per hour. And a few weeks ago, in episode 163, which was five questions to ask yourself about the pros and cons of different moderation techniques. Now don't worry, I will link to that in the show notes if you haven't listened to it yet. In that episode, we unpacked together the main moderation techniques that I've just outlined, but we also did some work together on how to determine which ones might be the right fit for you. Like I said, I definitely recommend you check that one out. And if you haven't yet, you can also access the Vault tool if you're a member over on my Substack, which can help you work through these methods. Well, that was one of the most listened to episodes of the year so far. So today I thought what we'd do is take things a little bit further and explore some of the alternative techniques that don't get as much press but might still have a major impact on your drinking. So I've organized these for you into sort of before the night, uh during the night, and then the last section is the overall bigger sort of life picture about how you approach your alcohol consumption, and that's the bit that makes it all sort of stick together. I'm going to keep each one of these short and sweet because I want this to be a really actionable episode for you. To do that, I've also created another tool that goes specifically with this. It's the lesser-known moderation techniques guide, and you'll be able to get that from the vault as well. So there's links to everything in the show notes, but for now, let's dive in to these 12 quickfire lesser known moderation techniques, all created to help you drink differently on your own terms. Okay,

If / Then

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ready? Let's go. So we're starting with the before section. So this is before you've actually gotten to your event or to your venue. And the first method in this section is called if-then. So what is it? If-then is about deciding before you get to your venue how you're going to handle drinking situations and arming yourself with some very simplible, simple, memorable if-then intentions. So, for example, if you get to the bar and Peggy Sue says, Oh, go on, just have one, as you know she will, then I will say, not tonight, I've got a big day tomorrow, but thanks. If Johnny starts buying the rounds, then I will go to the bar and buy my own Lono drink. Or if Tommy starts suggesting shots, then I will run away and go to the loo. All right. Maybe you do get involved and you have an alcohol-free shot. Instead, whatever it is, the whole point of this is that you have an if-then scenario prepared. So why does this work? It might sound overly simple, but the best solutions to a problem often are very simple. We always overcomplicate things. I heard a great quote this morning, which was that complexity is failed simplicity. And I love that. So implementation intentions, uh, as these are called in sort of research study terms, these allow you to make a solid and simple and effective plan of action that's quick to execute, okay, but reinforces its own success for you every time you do it. Every time you do this and it works well, every time you have an if-then and you execute it and you succeed, you feel better about it, and that makes it easier for you to do it the next time. Now, one thing I didn't mention in the beginning is that for each one of these, I'm going to give you a little tip as well just to help make sure that you can deliver this to the best for your circumstances. So the tip for this one is don't try to think of an if-then for every possible scenario, okay? There are too many out there. I gave you three examples up there before because those are the most likely, but you cannot prepare for everything in life, okay? So what I want you to do is just pick one or two likely scenarios that are most likely to manifest in your social circles. Create your if-then statement for those situations, and you can then always come back and add more over time.

Sequencing

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Right, next one on our list is called sequencing. So, what's sequencing? Sequencing is about planning ahead for what you're going to drink on your night out and in what order. So, for example, you might say, I'm going to the pub with my friends tonight. I'm going to start the night off with an alcohol-free beer. Then I'm going to have an alcohol full one because I do really fancy one. After that, I'm going to have another alcohol-free beer. So that's one alcohol free, one full, one free. After that, I think I'll need some water because the weather is really warm at the moment. I want to stay hydrated. And then I'm going to head off home. Why does sequencing work? Or why can sequencing work for you? For people who like structure, okay, this one provides a scaffold for the evening or the event that you're going to. And this allows you to be fully, fully involved in what's going on, in hanging out with your friends, in socializing with your colleagues, whatever it is, but still keeping a lid on how your drinking will go. It helps you to feel in control. And some for some people, that's a really important part of this journey. So I appreciate that you might think that sequencing sounds too formulaic or there's too much to plan. You want to be more flexible. That's absolutely fine. There are some other more flexible examples coming up. But for those who like structure, this is a really, really great one to plan your night out, scaffold

Time Boxing

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how you want it to go and stay in control of it as it goes along. And the tip here is to know that sequencing also allows you to plan for an exit strategy, which is always a good thing. So you can make your way out when you know things might be likely to go off piste, shall we say? But if you know you're having um uh water and then you're going home, that's your exit strategy, that's your moment of finality for the evening. You're right, I've done what I said I was going to do tonight, and now I'm off. So the next one on our list for before you're you've reached your event is called time boxing. And that is only drinking alcohol within uh an allotted self-agreed time frame. For example, uh, I'll only drink alcohol after 7 p.m. Or um only between 6 and 8 p.m. in the evenings, or if it's on the weekend, you might say, well, I'll only consume alcohol between 12 and I don't know, 5 p.m. Again, as with all of these, the exact specifics are down to you and your circumstances. You might not have weekends, for example, you might be working all weekends, so you might switch that application around. But why does time boxing work? It makes your drinking more of a conscious choice and awareness rather than a habitual action. This is really useful, for example, if you always pour yourself a glass of wine whilst you're cooking dinner for yourself or for the kids. That is uh a very high automation trigger for a lot of us. You know, you get into the kitchen, you start getting the pots and pans out, before you know it, there's a glass down, it's half full with a with your favourite red, um, and you're sipping on it before you've even really thought about it. But if you are time boxing and you know, for example, that you only allow yourself to have a drink from 7 till 9 pm in the evenings, well, you're cooking the kids' dinner, that's probably around 5, maybe 6 o'clock, if you're always a bit late, like I am. Um, and so that's before the time that you've said to yourself that you're comfortable consuming alcohol. So it switches off the ability to have that automation. Now, the first couple of times you might actually still pour it without realizing it, but you look at the time and you just put it aside and say, Do you know what? I'm gonna have that in 45 minutes or whenever it is, which is also, by the way, a great way of showing yourself how much control you do actually have and reinforces your belief in your ability to do this. Um, so the tip here is that flexibility is your friend. Okay, if you are going to an event, so perhaps you're not cooking dinner for the kids tonight, maybe there's a work due and your other half is at home and you've got to attend this thing. And the event starts at five o'clock, but your usual window is between seven and nine. But actually, you'd like to have a drink while you're there. Or maybe you do move your window for this evening and you say, Okay, right, tonight my window is gonna be between five and seven. It's important then that at seven o'clock you stick to that window and you say to yourself, Do you know what? I've done what I said I was going to do. I've enjoyed myself, it's been lovely, but now I'm gonna go home, say good evening to my other half, kiss the kids as they're in bed and sit down and just relax and have some water. It's very hot as I'm recording this in the UK at the moment. We're in the middle of a heat wave, we don't get these very often, and so the country's almost coming to a standstill as we can't cope. But it is reminding me to remind you to always drink water, whether it's hot or you're just trying to moderate, water is your friend. I know it's boring, but I promise it works. Um next, we're moving on to the start of your night. Okay, so when you first get to

Delay 30

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where you're going, as things are about to start kicking off. Number four on our list is called delay 30, and that is waiting just 30 minutes before having your first drink of the night or the afternoon or whatever it is. Um, why does this work? So this helps standard of expectation for yourself and for other people, and it helps you to start the night as you mean to go on, and that is in control. And that is a very, very powerful psychological message to send to yourself. This is not about um stopping yourself from enjoying yourself. This is not about saying that you're not allowed to have a drink, it's not about stopping your fun. It's simply saying I'm going to take a bit of time once I've got here, I'm gonna get the lay of the land, check out the venue, I'm gonna see who's here, I'm gonna see what the bar does have to offer. I'm gonna think about how this, how I want this night to go, how important is this, all the things that that that matter to you in that social situation, whether it be with friends or be with colleagues. And I'm just gonna take my time and ease into the evening. Now, the tip here is that after the delay, after your 30-minute wait, you might not want to have a drink. Okay, and that is fantastic. If you don't, then that's great, go with it. Don't force it. Of course, you don't have to force yourself to have alcohol just to feel like you're participating in what's going on. Grab yourself an AFB or a sparkling non-alcoholine and relax and enjoy yourself. But after that 30 minutes, if you do still want to have a drink, the tip here is to consider starting with something that is in the mid-range, something that is lower alcohol. There are lots and lots of drinks in this category now. So consider starting after your delay 30 with a lower mid-range drink or a light one or an even an alcohol-free one just to kick off your night. Number five in our list for at the start of your evening is called filtering. So, filtering

Filtering

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is where you set yourself guidelines around your drink type to filter out, or rather, the categories that are most troublesome for you that you want to not include in your evening. It might be that you remove things like shots or spirits or wines from your drinking portfolio, and then you decide to stick to other drinks that you know you'll naturally consume more moderately or more slowly, or just with a little bit more temperance, such as maybe spritzes or pints or cocktails. It's different for everyone, okay? So, why could this work? Generally, you would look at removing the things that are sort of the quick and easy drinks. So that's why I put shots in the list, okay? Because shots, as we know, are very easy to get very drunk very quickly, um, or anything else that you know that you consume rapidly. Uh, I have uh a friend who can drink a glass of wine in the blink of an eye, but he'll spend a lot longer drinking a beer. So when he's trying to temper his drinking, he'll have a pint instead of a glass of red. And if you leave yourself then with just the more time-consuming drinks, then that helps you to slow down. It's only logical. So my tip here is that just to make sure that you've got a backup alternative for your favorite drink type. Because if you're filtering out certain categories and you've left yourself with, okay, right, fine, I'm I'll I'll be I'll just drink a pint, but they haven't got your favorite lager on draft. Well, that doesn't mean that you just default back to okay, I'll jump back on the jack and coke. You know, make sure you've got yourself a backup, you've thought it through, and you know that when you're filtering out categories, you've got a couple of options in the categories that are left that you're happy to drink for the evening. Okay, we're moving on to our next section now with number six in the list. So now we're in the during the night phase. So whilst

Wait 20

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you're whilst you're in the thick of things, so number six on the list is called wait 20. Now, this is different from delay 30. Wait 20 is about waiting for 20 minutes after you've finished your current drink before you order your next one. So, why does this work as a moderation technique? It gives you breathing room, it gives you a moment to um decide whether you really do want another drink or not. And physiologically, it also gives your nervous system time to catch up with how your body is really responding to the drink that you just had. Uh just like when we when we eat, it takes a bit of time for your body to recognize that you're actually full. It takes a bit of time for the hormones to kick into the brain and say, Oh, I've had enough. Um, the same thing happens with alcohol. It takes a little bit of time for your brain to go, oh, actually, this is how I'm feeling after I've had that one. So the tip for the weight 20 moderation techniques uh technique is that whilst you're waiting, it's a really great opportunity to put a bit of physical space around your decision. That could just be stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, um, or if you know everyone's, I don't know, smoking and you're not a smoker and you don't want to be in that environment. Um, you maybe just nip to the loo for for a couple of minutes and just take a break from other people's noise, or step further away and make a quick phone call to somebody and not not to check in, not to uh get permission, but just to say, oh hi, how are you doing? I'm out tonight, just thought I'd give you a quick call and I'll see you soon. You know, whatever it is, just give yourself a bit of physical space during that 20 minutes, not for the whole time, maybe just a moment or two, uh, and that really helps give you time to put the decision process in place. Number seven in our list of lesser-known moderation techniques, and we're still in the during

Downsizing

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the night phase at the moment, and this one is called downsizing. So, downsizing is when you stick to smaller serves of your usual drink all night. It's quite a simple one. So, for example, uh here in the UK, our pubs always serve pints and we serve halves. So, you don't just ask for a beer, you ask for a pint of lager or half a lager. So, downsizing would simply mean from moving from pints to halves. It means moving from large glasses of wine to smalls, going from a cocktail, uh, so a full-strength cocktail to going to something like a spritz, which is a lot lighter. Uh, and if you're sticking to spirits, then instead of ordering a doubles, then going to singles. So, why does this work? Uh, it's simple. Smaller servings mean less alcohol consumed. That's it. Like I said, sometimes the simple solutions are the best. The tip here, however, is to make sure that you don't take this as an excuse just to squeeze more drinks in in your night. I want you to make sure that you don't sort of talk yourself into saying, oh, well, I had a small, so actually let me have another one, and I can have another one, I can have another one. Oh, that only works out to be a glass and a half. That doesn't work. Okay, we're not going to do um unit maths here. We're just looking at finding ways to reduce the amount of alcohol you're having for that moment. Uh and then our last tip in the whilst you're out section, number eight now, is called hard

Hard Stop

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stop. The hard stop. Um, so this one is about setting a limit on the number of drinks that you uh permit yourself to have on the night. Now, I'm going to be very honest with you here. This is not a personal favorite of mine, and I'll tell you why. To my mind, say for example, you set yourself the limit of only having two drinks tonight, but you end up having three instead. However, you've left at a reasonable time, you've eaten well, you stayed hydrated, you got home in good time, there were no uh dramatic occurrences, and actually, when you're out with that crowd, you normally have four or five drinks. Well, actually, only having three instead of those four or five and all the other positives that go with it, could mean that that was actually a really successful moderation night out. But knowing that you had technically had more than you were supposed to, would you still feel that you had been successful? It's a very personal standard. And for some people, when they set themselves a very hard and fast rule, the moment that that line gets crossed, they throw the baby out with the bath water and they think, well, okay, hang it all, I went wrong, I'm just gonna go all out. But actually, you can still have a successful moderation experience drinking more than you intended, but less than you usually do. Because that to me is a step in the right direction. So, why is it on the list? It's on the list because it can work for some people, and this is a prime example of just finding what works best for you. It can be, for example, a really great way to signal the end of your night. If you set yourself a two-drink limit, once you've finished that second drink, that's it. You know that you've done with the evening. You'll you can leave after what you've had you're comfortable with, confidently say goodbye, and exit before the shenanigans unfold. So, my tip here is try it. Okay, don't listen to me. Try everything, try it and see how it works for you. It might be a brilliant solution for you, or it might not. The only way you're going to know is if you give it a try. And if it works, that is fantastic, and I'm happy for you. And if it doesn't work, well, there are 11 other techniques on this list that you can give a go next time. Okay, moving on now. Our last section is about bigger picture lifestyle techniques. So, this is about finding

Weekending

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ways to moderate your alcohol intake that are more encompassing of the life that you're building and that you want to achieve. So, number nine is weekending. So, weekending, it might sound self-explanatory, it is staying booze free during the week and only consuming alcohol on the weekends. Now, for you, the weekend might be just Saturday and Sunday, or it might be Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, or you might work on the weekends, as I said before, and actually, like I did when I worked in hospitality for so long, uh, we went out more on a Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday night than we did on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. So I call it weekending, but you need to plan it around your life, and obviously, you know what days are more sociable heavy for you. So, why does weekending work? Well, I think the benefit here is that it clearly marks the weekdays as focus time. That's that's Time for you, your family, your work, your health, all the things that are important that you need to focus on and give 100% attention and energy to. And you don't want that time to be compromised with hangovers or late-night shenanigans or whatever else might go along with consuming more than you want to. And therefore, you save all that for the time that you've designated as time to let your hair down a little bit more. My tip for weekending is to remember that this is a technique that still requires some self-control. Drinking only on the weekends does not have to mean constantly drinking on the weekends. Okay? Alright, number 10 on our list. I've called occasioning. Now, occasioning again is one of those that hopefully it

Occasioning

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is what it sounds like. And that means generally living an alcohol-free lifestyle, but enjoying a full-strength drinking experience, if you so wish, on special occasions like birthdays and weddings. So, why can this work? If you have a reasonable social calendar, uh, you'll only have a handful of truly special occasions every couple of months. The rest of the time, you can prioritize your well-being, whatever that looks like for you. Uh, and then you may naturally find that by the time you get to these special occasions, that you you you you naturally want to drink a little bit less. Anyway, uh the tip with this one, I think might be a little bit obvious, but that's just to be honest with yourself about what you actually consider to be a special occasion. Um, does finishing your to-do list really count as a special occasion? I'm gonna say no, although I know it's great achievement when you actually manage to cross off that entire list. But what counts as a special occasion is up to you to manage, but just be honest with yourself about it. Um every Friday at 5 p.m. is not that special an occasion, but maybe it's a wedding, it's a birthday. Um, it's uh get together with your oldest friends and you already see each other twice a year. Um, you know, that sort of thing. And it's something that doesn't come around very often, but there'll be enough of them throughout the months over a couple of month periods that you you you feel that you get to, you know, let your hair down enough. Right, number 11 on our list is called situation setting. Not the most glamorous name that

Situation Setting

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I came up with, but uh I want it to be accurate more than fancy. So, situation setting is about setting specific locations that you deem to be booze friendly uh but not necessarily boo-heavy. Okay, so maybe it's that you decide that you only consume alcohol when you're at a restaurant but never at home. Or perhaps it's um not while the kids are awake, or never while I'm on my own. You know, it's about the situation that you find yourself in and whether that lends itself to you feeling comfortable to consume alcohol. So, why does this one work? These are personal guidelines. So, in situation setting, this is all about you building your own guidelines around the times, places, situations that you know trigger uh your old habits the most, which means they have the most potential to affect real change. The tip here, however, is that that also means they have the most potential to um go not according to plan. Uh so you need to be honest with yourself. If you've picked lots of high stakes stakes moments that always lead to you over drinking, then perhaps you might need to make sure that you've got a sort of safety net in place for those times, whether it be something simple like phoning a friend or some other distraction to help you out in the beginning. Okay, so a lot of this is about you being honest with yourself, which is always a good thing. Uh, number 12 on our list, and I've just realized I can't count because I told you it was 12 in the beginning, but it's

Don't Buy It

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actually 13. Unlucky for some. It's lucky for us. Let's not worry about it. Um, so number 12 on our list is don't buy it. Now, this one came from a personal realization that my snack addiction is fed, not when I'm at home on the sofa diving into a third bag of crisps or chips as you might call them, but it actually begins when I'm in the supermarket. If I'm left to my own devices, I will eat crisps all day long. Give me a giant packet of walkers and a Netflix series, and I'm in a really, really happy place. Because once those things are in the house, then it's fair game. So I don't buy them. And then all I have to do is have that debate with myself once while I'm in the supermarket, not every time the thought pops into my head on the sofa. It's this is why it works, okay? Resisting something that's sitting in your cupboard or in the on the countertop or staring at you is a lot harder. It's a lot harder than resisting it just that one time while it's on the shelf in the supermarket. Just put your head down and walk really fast and try not to crash into anybody else. But once it's in the house, like I say, you have to fight that temptation all the time. So that's what I do with my snacks. That's what I started doing when I started drinking differently, and it's one that I really do recommend as a great way to just reduce the amount of alcohol you consume at home, which is where most people do most of their drinking. Um, the tip here is not to leave yourself with nothing, though. Okay, so get in a few low, no, or light alcohol drinks options instead. Keep them chilled, keep them ready to serve, uh, make sure you've got some nice glassware so that when that craving does hit, you have got something on standby. Because unless you live out in the middle of uh no man's land, you can probably get to the shop if you really wanted to. But who wants to do that once you sat settled down and relaxed on the sofa? Uh so number 13 now is related to our last one. This is called friendly friction.

Friendly Friction

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Because whilst I just said don't buy it, that is one type of friction. The likelihood is you already have booze in the house. And if you do, then you can add a few more barriers to the ease of accessing that so that pouring your habitual vino isn't so easy. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to tell you to throw all of your booze down the drain. That's a lot of money that you'll be glugging away. And I would never tell you to do that. If you want to do that, then that's absolutely fine. I support your choice. But here are some other options. You could, for example, keep the alcohol in a difficult to access place, like put it in the garage instead of in the kitchen or put it up in the loft instead of on your living room drinks trolley. Um, other things that you could do, uh don't keep wine chilled in the fridge. So if you do have, uh if you like white wine, for example, um, don't keep it in the fridge, keep it on the counter because nobody wants warm white wine. That's terrible. So you have to wait to until you've had a chance to chill it. And by then, the urge has probably passed you by anyway. Um, as you might remember from episode 173, where I talked about alcohol cravings not lasting anywhere near as long as you think they do. Um so by the time you get that wine chilled, you'll probably be over it. Um, another couple of ones you can do, um, delete delivery apps off your phone if you get alcohol delivered. I know there's been a lot of talk about that in the press lately about how it's too easy and there will be changes coming, I think, on uh how easy it is to get alcohol delivered. But until that happens, delete the apps off your phone uh so that you can't do that. Uh, when you do buy booze for home, get just what you need for that moment and no more. Don't be sucked into those buy one, get one free offers or those bulk buys, or oh, you know, Tina might pop around one day next week, or Johnny might come and say hello, gotta have something in. No, if that happens, then you can deal with it at the time. So, why does this one work? Well, as I said, it's friction, it's all about adding friction between you and your habits that makes it harder for you to just succumb to them without putting some effort in. Uh, the tip here is to remember that this isn't about punishing yourself or fully restricting you, it's just about putting a few extra steps between you and the habits that you're trying to break. This is about you doing something to help you. Okay, there you have it. 13, not 12, 13, uh quick fire, lesser known

Just Try One

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moderation techniques that you can try before, at the start, during, and in general to your nights out when you want to find ways to consume less alcohol that serves you better. I would love to know which of these you have tried before, which you are considering trying. Do let me know. But whatever you do try, know that this really is a case of horses for courses, all right, and that the only way for you to know which one or which ones of these will work for you is to get on the bloody horse and give it a go. Maybe a couple will work, maybe only one will, or maybe two. Um, but if you're serious about changing the way you allow alcohol to show up in your life, then you need to put some serious effort into discovering what works best for you. My final tip here is please don't think that you have to go and do all of these at once. It's not a case of you have to stop buying everything, put everything in the garage, make a sequencing plan, have an exit plan, all of these things all at once. Pick one thing, give it a go, see how you get on. Now, if it helps, I have created a lesser-known moderation technique sort of worksheet for you. It's over inside the Mindful Drinking Substack Vault. So if you're a member of the vault, as many of you are, thank you very much. You can go and download it from there, and that will help you to track which of these new techniques are working best for you in which situations, so that you can stop guessing and start planning how you want your life to look with or without alcohol. Any, I'll link to all of that in the show notes for you, of course. That's it from me for this week. I will see you next Wednesday, and until then, cheers to a life less intoxicated.